by Marty Coleman | Jul 31, 2013 | Robert Pinsky, Your ID please! - 2013 |
All I remember is today is #3 of my ‘Your ID Please!’ series.
That Moment
It’s bound to happen if you live long enough in the same town. That moment when someone who contributed negatively to a difficult moment in your past appears before you. That happened to me a few months ago. I was in the middle of speaking when it happened. It threw me off my game for a few seconds, then I waved and kept on with my speech. While I was finishing the speech I was also deciding how I was going to respond to seeing this person. I made my choice quickly and with confidence. I knew exactly what I was going to do.
The Next Moment
When I was done, this person came over to ask a question. We greeted and I did what I had chosen to do (and indeed had already started to do in my mind and heart). I loved the person. That is all I did.
Love Lets In
They asked some questions about the topic, expressed some concerns about their ability to participate in our group activities and I responded with encouragement and confidence that they could. I asked questions about their experience in this area and they responded with a very profound and moving story of their life, with events, issues and challenges that would fell many a strong person. But this person had battled back over many years and was now ready to take on this next challenge.
Remembering The Future
I briefly wondered what they were thinking about as they talked to me. If they were remembering. But I didn’t linger on that. I lingered instead on the future. I saw this person’s success. I saw this person’s victory over their challenges. I saw this person’s need for my help and I saw me being happy helping. I was happy to have love in my heart.
When you have hate in your past, remember the future instead.
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Drawing by Marty Coleman
Quote by Robert Pinsky, 1940 – Not Dead Yet, American Poet
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By the way, if you share my blog posts somewhere, I always love finding out where they went, if you have the time to tell me. Thanks.
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by Marty Coleman | Jul 30, 2013 | Anonymous, Your ID please! - 2013 |
What We All Have Heard
It’s common to hear someone say, ‘You just need to be yourself.’ Our maybe you have heard someone say, ‘I lost my identity in my marriage.’ Perhaps someone has said to you, ‘I don’t know who I am anymore.’ The answer to all these dilemmas is often thought to be a turning inward, getting away from other influences, to ‘find yourself.’
Inward and Outward
But how is that really possible? What is actually going to happen when you turn inward? Are you going to find self-satisfaction in your spleen, liberation in your liver? No, you are actually going to think back. Think back to things you used to do, attitudes and beliefs you used to have. You are also going to think back to the desires you used to have about what you want to be in the future. Maybe you have dreamt of being fit and muscular like you were when you were 25. Maybe you dreamt of learning to play piano when you were 15 and never did and now the idea has come back. Maybe you have always wanted to be an artist since you were a little kid. Maybe you want to be the loving, kind person you were when you lived with your grandfather that year when you were 10.
People, Places and Things
In each of those cases there are people, images, ideas, places, you have within those dreams. They are the concrete things you identify with (even if subconsciously) when you think of these ideals and hopes. They are connected to something outside yourself.
Perhaps the piano is connected to hearing your older sister play beautiful Christmas songs every winter. Maybe the fitness is connected to the happiness, health and the pride you had in how your body looked and felt at age 25. Possibly the art is connected to your love of beautiful museums your mother took you to on vacations. And there is no doubt the love and kindness is connected to how greatly you admired your grandfather as he lived out his days.
Becoming You in the World
Our identity is not truly, completely from within. It is when we identify with the world around us, when we reach out into the world and say ‘I want to aspire to that’ that we can see our identity start to form. When we pursue those things and make them our own; practicing, refining, believing, sharing, that is when it becomes us. And that is when we, and others, can identify our identity.
Who do you want to be and where did that come from?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote is anonymous
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by Marty Coleman | Jul 29, 2013 | Chinese Proverbs, Your ID please! - 2013 |
I identify with the fact that today is the first in the ‘Identity’ series.
Prints are still available. $25.00
If you are tense, take a look and see if this might not be the problem.
Of course, to know this you have to admit what part of you is the part other people want you to be and what part is the part you want to be. That takes honest self-evaluation. Then of course the hard part come in. You have to admit it to the world and take action on it.
Have you been able to do this? How did you do it?
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Drawing by Marty Coleman
Quote is a Chinese Proverb
I found it online at the Facebook page of a friend, Kimberley Clayton Blaine. She is a wise woman, someone who is constantly growing and learning. She is one of those people you are glad is in the world. You can find her at her website/blog The Go-To Mom. She’s worth following.
Kimberley Clayton Blaine
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by Marty Coleman | Jul 26, 2013 | Mae West, Resistance - 2013 |
I am tempted to say this is Resistance #3
The Cat and the Cracker
Last night I had a few crackers before going to bed. Our cat, Mayru, was sitting on my lap and for some strange reason she was very insistent on wanting a cracker. This is not usual. But tonight she was crazy about it. I gave her a small piece and she actually ate it. Then she turned around on my lap and meowed plaintively, wanting another piece. I gave her another and she bit it, dropped it and jumped off my lap, walking away, never to return.
Now, I don’t think she contemplates will power and resisting temptation much. So, what happened? Well, what she does is go with her desire. She wanted the cracker, didn’t resist that desire and got the cracker. Then didn’t have the desire, no longer wanted it and walked away. The key wasn’t that she wanted it and pushed it away in spite of wanting it, it was that she just no longer wanted it.
I’m No Help at All
I sometimes am told that people are impressed with my ability to give things up. It seems I can give something up and stick with it. They might think I am good at avoiding temptation, that I have great will power, that I am disciplined. But the honest truth is that I can give it up not because I am good at resisting temptation, but because the temptation goes away. I am actually not good at resisting temptation, I am better at getting rid of temptation.
Saying I ‘get rid of temptation’ makes it sound like I actually do it. But the truth is, and one of the reasons I am not all that great at advising others in their attempts to get rid of bad habits, is they just go away. I usually don’t do anything to get rid of them beyond having the simple desire for them to go away. That’s it. Sometimes it takes years (one habit took 45 years for the temptation to go away). Sometimes it takes an instant. I don’t really know why, though I wish I did.
The Key, No Matter What
What I do know is that even when they just go away and I didn’t do much to make it happen but to wish for it, I still need to make a choice not to go looking for that lost temptation to see if it’s still hanging around out there. It’s like an ex-lover you are over but that you sometimes still pine for. If you go searching to see ‘how they are doing’ you are looking to see if the temptation is hanging around. And that temptation that is lost is suddenly found again. That is not a good thing. Let it stay lost, it can’t add up to much without you.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Mae West, 1893-1980, American Actress and Playwright.
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by Marty Coleman | Jul 25, 2013 | Peter Senge, Resistance - 2013 |
I didn’t change my mind, today is still going to be Resistance #2.
What’s Behind the Fear?
I like this quote a lot. It focuses one’s attention on what we really fear when it comes to change. We fear WE are going to have to change. Think about any change you fear and see if you don’t find that, at its essence, it isn’t a fear that it will lead you to have to change.
Isn’t that why we often don’t like new styles in hair, clothing, accessories? Aren’t we afraid, when you get right down to it, that we will have to change and wear that style ourselves? That is when the judgment seems to be necessary right? As a method to keep the change at bay, away from us and the resulting change that we would have to suffer through.
What do you think of this idea?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Peter M Senge, 1947 – not dead yet, American Organizational Development expert.
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