by Marty Coleman | Sep 25, 2009 | John Churton Collins, Trust - 2009 |
I know. This is a creepy image. Ok, so it won’t be a fan favorite. But the drawing fits the idea.
The reason this man shouldn’t be trusted is because he has no discernment. Someone who only says good things about people has not shown they can discern when there is a dangerous, bad person to avoid. I am not talking about dissing someone. I am talking about having a realistic view. If someone looks, walks and talks like a crazed ax murderer, then it is not a bad thing to say so and avoid the person. You aren’t being mean because you are using your mind to keep yourself and others safe.
Could the guy possibly have a nice side? Yea, he could like broadway musicals and long walks on the beach, be nice to dogs and caterpillars and send money to his mom back home every month. But if that is ALL you see of the guy, then you are purposely avoiding reality. He is still a dangerous person and should be avoided.
Obviously, I am talking about extreme circumstances here. The more likely scenario is an everyday friend or relative whose judgment you can’t trust because you haven’t heard anything negative from him or her.
Think of all the American Idol contestants who have to be told by the judges that they aren’t any good at singing, even if their mothers said they were. Their mothers weren’t trustworthy as judges of their ability, they only said good things. They thought they were encouraging, but in fact they were disabling them, making them unable to discern where they were in their singing progress.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Never trust a man who speaks well of everybody.” – John Churton Collins, 1848-1908, British Essayist and Critic
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by Marty Coleman | Sep 24, 2009 | Alfred Adler, Trust - 2009 |
All talk, no action.
Does she walk the walk, or just talk the talk?
Where’s the beef?
The cliche sayings about people who don’t back up their words with deeds can go on and on. Why is that?
Because words are easy.
Because words can fool people.
Because words don’t cost anything to say.
Because words can persuade the speaker that they are actually taking action.
Because deeds can be secret.
Because deeds can be explained away.
Because deeds are hard.
Because deeds are dangerous.
Because deeds seems harmless.
I don’t know about you, but I know the deck is stacked in favor of words in my world. I have to be deliberate about my deeds; make decisions, choices, right, wrong, truth, lie, open, closed. Words – all I have to do is say them.
That is why I need to continually practice seeing the words and the deeds bound together like a hiker’s gear. It is a long journey and I need only bring the words along that are important to support the journey, the deed.
Thus endeth the sermon to myself.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“Trust only movement. Life happens at the level of events, not words. Trust movement.” – Alfred Adler, 1870-1937, Austrian Physician
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by Marty Coleman | Sep 22, 2009 | George MacDonald, Trust - 2009 |
Day two of ‘Trust’ week here at the Napkin Dad Daily. I am basically preaching to myself this week. This isn’t because I am not a trusting person, I am. More than most probably. I assume the best of intentions, I assume people will do what they say they are going to do. It doesn’t always happen, but I would rather get burned once in a while and be a trusting person than always be safe but have to trust no one.
Why I do need to hear this stuff about trust is because I am always needing to work on being a more trustworthy person. I think I am better than some, not as good as others. But I am not as trustworthy as I would always like to be. It’s a process of doing the right thing, the good thing, the promised thing, again and again and again. It takes patience and discipline, knowing boundaries and constantly remembering what I have promised.
I suppose most of us struggle with it, at least I hope I am not alone with it, am I?
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.” – George McDonald, 1824-1905, Scottish author and Christian minister.
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by Marty Coleman | Sep 21, 2009 | Anonymous, Trust - 2009 |
Have issues with trust and expectations? Maybe this is part of the reason.
Drawing © Marty Coleman
“The key is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are. Instead we trust people to be who we want them to be and when they are not, we cry.” – Anonymous.
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by Marty Coleman | Sep 20, 2009 | Samuel Butler |
When I come across people who have no doubt about something and combine that with a belief that ‘change’ is a sign of giving in, of weakness, I know I am in for a rough time in any conversation regarding opinions or beliefs.
Here is why. The person is not going to be listening to ideas for their own value but only as attacks to be repelled. They often will think that merely listening to an idea is tantamount to having to take it as their own. They don’t have the willingness to consider an idea because they don’t realize they can listen, evaluate and reject or accept.
Every idea is a threat because they do not actually have a well-defined strength of belief. The facade is so strong exactly because the inside is so vulnerable.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“An obstinate man does not hold opinions, they hold him.” – Samuel Butler, 1835-1902, British Author
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by Marty Coleman | Sep 19, 2009 | Elbert Hubbard |
Theology was, at the beginning, simple story telling. It was an explanation for why things were they way they were. It was handed down over centuries and it didn’t need to be very rigorous in its believability because the realm of what was known about the universe was very small at the time. It was their version of science, in a way.
But as time went on and people had more questions and were finding out more ‘truths’ theologians (as they were eventually titled) had to fill out the various stories to be more believable. But at the same time they had to stick with the story already told and somehow combine the new and the old.
The result was a pretty convoluted set of explanations for the how and why of the world that was separated from science as it was developing.
To test this idea clear your mind of any and all ideas of the universe and human origins and development. Now tell a brand new story that explains how we came to be and why we are here. Have it make sense in the here and now, consistent with what you now know about life. Would it be the same story you were taught as a child? Would you have the same organization of life, afterlife, material world, spirit realm? Would you have the same explanations for why things happen, good and bad? Maybe so, maybe not. But it is a good exercise to help us remember that we are listening to a story.
Drawing and commentary © Marty Coleman
“The intent of theology is not to tell the truth, but to satisfy the questioner.” – Elbert Hubbard, 1856-1915, American writer
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by Marty Coleman | Sep 18, 2009 | Paul Valery |
The key is in the digestion. How does it become you? It becomes you by being eaten in your stomach by all sorts of nasty stuff that you don’t want to know about, mainly acids, enzymes and bacteria. Yum.
I had a conversation a while back with a friend who stated that no argument ever changed her mind. She went on to describe that she once was a conservative, fundamentalist christian; anti-homosexual, anti-feminist, anti-abortion, anti-everyone who didn’t believe what she believed.
She is no longer like that. She now believes that homosexuals are equal to anyone else and should have the exact same rights as everyone else. She believes that other religions have just as much ‘truth’ in them as does Christianity and she doesn’t see any need to try to change them. She has changed her own religion to Paganism. All the while she said that arguments don’t ever persuade her. And maybe that is true.
It made me think that maybe the argument is the meal on the plate before you eat it. The change in belief is after you have eaten and the arguments have had time to digest inside you and become part of you.
What do you think?
Drawing © Marty Coleman
“Nothing is more ‘original’ than to feed on others, as long as you digest. A Lion is made of sheep.” – Paul Valery 1871-1945, French guy
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by Marty Coleman | Sep 16, 2009 | Robert Frost |
We sometimes are right to take a fence down. Fences of racism, sexism, fear, nationality, religion, etc. But other fences have dangerous things on the other side. Fences of safety, love, common sense, civility, and more. Those fences were built for reason. They were built to help, protect and nurture us individually and as a society.
If you want to see what happens when those fences aren’t secure, when they aren’t maintained, just look at three examples of the last week.
Joe Wilson spouting off at President Obama during his speech, Serena Williams having a tirade against a line judge in a tennis match, and Kanye West interrupting Taylor Swift during her moment at the VMA awards.
All three were probably taught at some point about civility and manners. But all three forgot that they have to maintain that fence, and they thought they would get farther by breaking the rules rather than abiding by them. None of them were protesting evil, none were trying to right an injustice. They were all filled with self and ego, thinking they were better and more worthy than the one they attacked. They, and the media society they live within, haven’t maintained their fence and they have an open path to the field next door. It is a field of meanness, of crassness, of hurt and pomposity. It is a field of celebrity at all costs, fame over substance, money over love. That fence should be restored and not torn down.
Drawing © Marty Coleman
“Don’t ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up.” – Robert Frost, 1874-1963, American poet
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by Marty Coleman | Sep 15, 2009 | Anonymous |
It isn’t always easy to get a clear view of yourself and where you are in life. Most of the time when you look to others to help you out with that you get positive reinforcement; ‘you are doing well’, ‘you are making progress’, ‘you are going to be ok’ for example.
But sometimes it’s a relief to hear someone say something a bit more pointed, like the toe of a stiletto; ‘you are messing up’, ‘your direction sucks’, ‘you don’t know what the hell you are doing’, ‘what on earth were you thinking’, for example.
The knowledge you need to step forward isn’t always connected directly to the action of stepping forward. Sometimes you just stand there even though you know you need to move. The kick, maybe unexpected and maybe unwelcomed at the time, can be the catalyst to take that step.
So, go look for that person with the sharp toed high heel and stand in front of them, maybe something good will happen!
Drawing © Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Sep 14, 2009 | Henry Brooks Adams |
Or else you will end up in a cemetery with no one visiting. Forgiveness and tolerance are the key to love among friends.
So, what faults do those letters represent in your mind?
Drawing © Marty Coleman
“Every person should have a fair-sized cemetery in which to bury the faults of his friends.” – Henry Brooks Adams, 1838-1918, American Writer
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I know. This is a creepy image. Ok, so it won’t be a fan favorite. But the drawing fits the idea. 
