I am flattered you have shown up for day #2 of Compliments week!
Flattery Wolf
Flattery is fine. You just have to know what it is. It is a social nicety. It is grease that smooths the rough edges of social interactions. It is attached to an agenda. An agenda isn’t necessarily bad or evil or dangerous. But it can be. You have to be aware. Maybe it’s a benign agenda, the man just likes you. The man just wants a little attention and so he is just giving some attention. Maybe it’s cancerous and the man becomes a wolf and wants to get in your pants or in your wallet or in your life for some nefarious reason. You have to have a discernment about people, and men in particular. It should be up to the man to be good, not bad. He is responsible for that. But if he is not, if he is a wolf, and some men are, then you must be responsible for your side of it, the discernment, wisdom and knowledge to tell the difference between a wolf and a dog.
Complimentary Dog
Compliments are fine. But how do you know they are real, true, legitimate compliments and not underhanded flattery with an attached agenda to it? You know by what happens after the compliment. Does the man remain attentive to you in more ways than just complimenting you? Does he back up his supposed admiration for you by acting like someone who admires and respects you? Is he sensitive to what you want to talk about and do or is he pushy and insistent, always directing you back to what his agenda is? It isn’t that the man doesn’t have desires and hopes and even lusts. But he understands their place, that they are behind and less important than finding out and trying to meet your needs. A Complimentary Dog does that, a Flattery Wolf does not.
The Fight
So, who am I to make the case about Flattery Wolf vs Complimentary Dog? I can make the case because I have been both. And I bet if you ask most men they would say they have been both too. It is a fight between the two in many men. Which one wins? The one that gets fed wins. Do you, as the object of attention, reward the dog or the wolf? Do you enable the bad behavior or the good behavior?
I know it is rife with issues to call men dogs or wolves, obviously the analogy only goes so far. It does break down eventually. But it also has many useful elements to it in trying to understand how men think. And the better you understand how men think and act perhaps the better you will be in understanding how to deal with their flatteries and compliments.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who would be a dalmatian if he were a dog.
Quote by George Chapman, 1559-1634, English dramatist
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Historical Question from Yesterday Answered
Question: Oscar Wilde was put on trial, convicted and sent to prison for what crime?
Answer: Wilde was prosecuted for ‘Gross Indecency’. This was a charge leveled against suspected homosexuals who were not caught doing the expressly forbidden deed of anal intercourse, or buggery as it was known then (and which had a possible sentence of death), but were caught being too flagrant about their life in the otherwise underground web of homosexual society. Wilde spent 2 years in prison doing hard labor. When he came out he moved to France, never to return to England. He died destitute.
It’s not complicated – today is day #1 of Compliments Week at the NDD.
Complimenting Cleavage – An Embarrassing Story
This past weekend I went to an art gallery opening. My wife Linda was out of town so I was solo. The gallery was filled with well dressed, glamourous people. I saw a friend and we were talking about my napkins, which she said she loved getting every day. She is well known and so she was constantly seeing and greeting new people as they came by. I waited patiently for a respite to continue the conversation when I noticed a woman next to me also waiting to speak to this woman. She had on a very intricate lace top with little colored things woven in. Under it was a plain black camisole. She also had on an elegant necklace that went to mid-chest. Her hair framed the necklace and the lace top very nicely.
I noticed all this in a split second, turned to her and said, with a hand gesture, “I love your top!” Just as I said it realized, along with all those other things I just mentioned, that she had a very pronounced cleavage. Large breasts, low top. My choice of words suddenly didn’t seem the best. She looked at me like I had just said the most awkward thing I could have possibly said, and I had. I did my best to recover, doing another circle of my hand and saying, “It all works great; the lace, necklace, hair, very nice”. I then introduced myself, and we both turned our attention back to our mutual friend. I saw her on and off the rest of the night at that opening and a number of other ones on the same street. I had the distinct impression she was hopeful I would not come up and talk to her again.
The Complimenter
I am a complimenter. It can be interpreted as a come on, an insincere flattery, an over the top rambling, or any number of other things. But I don’t care because I know this truth; If I don’t say it, pretty soon I won’t think it. And if I don’t think it, I won’t notice it and if I don’t notice it the world will be incredibly dull, boring, grey, relentlessly serious, depressing, futile and ugly for me. I don’t want that and so I notice what I love in the world. I think about what I love in the world and I say what I love in the world. Sometimes it backfires and I am embarrassed but I would rather suffer that then live in a world where I can’t speak of the beauty I see.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who does indeed love beautiful eyebrows.
Quote by Oscar Wilde, who loved beauty
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Historical question of the day
Oscar Wilde was put on trial, convicted and sent to prison for what crime?
Steady now, it’s finally day FOUR of Mediocrity Week!
The Invitation
Note the quote says it’s an invitation. That means you do not have to accept it. Having a regular paycheck at a steady job has within it the temptation to become mediocre. It does not mean it is a requirement. It is something to watch out for though because mediocrity in the work world is like a long term habit that leads to a disease that you don’t know you are acquiring until it is too late.
My Wife’s Resistance
My wife, Linda, is a business woman. She has worked in the same industry with the same company (bought and sold many times over) for over 20 years. She has had every opportunity to become settled and mediocre in her job but she hasn’t. She has always been committed to doing her job really well. There have been years and years of her building up effective business structures and procedures only to see them be dismantled by those who came after her. On a regular basis she is asked to go back in years later and clean up the detritus of failures and rebuild what she built before. And she does it. She has done this with the higher ups almost never realizing the incredible ability she has to do those things again and again. And the reason she can do them? Because she is dedicated to be not just competent but excellent at her job, whatever it is.
Tombstone
So, I have seen it done. The key is the desire to be excellent has to be internal. It cannot be decided by if you are high on your job at any one moment or not. It can’t be decided by the recognition, the salary, the perks. It has to be driven from your character. YOU have to want to be excellent apart from anyone or anything else. Just YOU.
If you are wondering if you want to be excellent, imagine having a tombstone that says, “Here Lies a Mediocre Human”.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who is married to an excellent woman.
Quote is Anonymous
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Mediocrity Week has so far had visits from 36 countries including:
I slept on it and next thing I know it’s day 3 of Mediocrity Week!
Signs of Life
My post yesterday showed a woman watching TV in the dark, pretty much unmotivated and inactive in life. She was leading a mediocre life and I illustrated it by showing her being idle while the world passed her by. But the truth is being idle is not necessarily a sign of mediocrity. It’s mostly a sign of nothing. It’s just something we all do. We all have times we are idle, not pursuing some grand goal. We just sit and read a light novel, or watch a funny TV show, or listen to frothy infectious pop music. If you have a drive to achieve something, a drive to be excellent at something, then that idle time is good. It is needed to rejuvenate your ideas, your creativity, your energy.
Signs of Death
But if you are living a mediocre life, a life unmotivated and without a flame of excellence then that same idleness is a killer. It is not rejuvenating you, it is burying you. It is helping you to die while you are still alive. So ask yourself – Are you taking a breather at the end of a long day? Then you are in good company, most of us like to do that. Or are you taking a breather from life? Then you might want to slap yourself awake and see if you might not want to pursue something greater than the killing mediocrity of never ending idleness.
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Drawing by Marty Coleman, who has never used curlers for their intended purpose.
When I mentioned on twitter this morning that I was drawing a woman with curlers in her hair my friend and fellow running coach Theresa thought I might need some inspiration so she sent me a photo of herself in curlers. She says she sometimes will even stop at a convenience store to get something while in her curlers AND has been hit on a number of times. She says it has to do with her confidence, that she is who she is and likes it, curlers or not! I have to agree, that’s what confidence is all about!
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Trivia Question from yesterday answered
Question: A man known to many as ‘The most hated man in America’ was suppose to be on the Titanic but missed the boat. Who was he and why did he miss it?
Answer: Henry Clay Frick. He was the chairman of Andrew Carnegie’s steel company and was the man in charge of the violent response to a worker’s strike in 1892 at the Homestead Steel Plant. As a result of that he became widely hated in the US. He and his wife, Adelaide, were ticketed to be aboard the Titanic but she sprained her ankle in Italy shortly before the voyage and they were not able to make the crossing.
I motivated myself to drawing another Mediocrity napkin!
A Decapitated Life
This is gross, right? Well, so is spending your life sitting on a couch looking at gross images. So is wasting your life consumed with watching not doing. So is criticizing what other people do while you do nothing. So is killing yourself before your life is over.
A Reattached Life
I am currently reading the book ‘Frankenstein’ by Mary Shelley. We all know the story of the Doctor who makes a man out of various body parts and brings the creature to life. Did you know we do the same with ourselves? We just do it at the cellular level. Our body recreates itself constantly, old cells die off and existing cells divide to create new cells. One estimate, just as an example, says that we replace 10% of our fat cells per year and between 1% and .5 % of our cardiomyocyte heart cells per year depending on our age. That isn’t to say every single cell is replaced, that is not true. Many of our brain cells for example are with us since birth and will be with us when we die.
The Changing Life
Having new cells isn’t as nifty as say having a new face attached (which now can be done) but it is a reminder that what our cells can do, our brain and body can do. We ARE able to change our habits. We ARE able to change our attitudes. We ARE able to change our behaviors. We ARE able to lead a life of excellence instead of mediocrity.
The Mediocrity Chair
What does it take? It takes a decision to do it and the courage, when the moment arrives, to take action. But, But, But…..All the excuses, reasons, fears, roadblocks, shortcomings, past failures, past successes, pressure, relationships, disbelief, self-loathing, lack of hope, lack of trust, lack of ability are what courage is created to overcome.
So wind up that spring of courage, breathe deep and get the _______ out of your mediocrity chair and go. Whatever it is you want your life to be, I mean REALLY TRULY DEEPLY want your life to be… GO BE IT. You might fail but you will be farther and better than if you stayed in that chair of mediocrity.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who once had skin grafts done on my arms and back. They took the skin from my butt, which was basically the only place on my body that wasn’t burnt, isn’t that cute?
Quote by Andrew Carnegie, 1835-1919, Scottish-American industrialist and philanthropist
Did you make fun of some the actresses and their dresses on the red carpet last night? I am not asking if you had an opinion about their dresses, but if you ridiculed, mocked and made fun of them. If you did, let me ask you this; Do you have as good a fashion sense as they do? Do you put yourself together regularly (or even occasionally) with a lot of attention paid to the visual statement you are making? Or are you perhaps the Emperor with No Clothes?
The Playing Field
You might think I am saying we shouldn’t be judging. Nothing could be further from the truth. We judge athletes on the playing field with how they play, that is why they are there and why they get paid well, to perform. There is nothing wrong with judging in that case.
On the red carpet the women (and men to a lesser degree) are on their own unique playing field. It’s proper to judge their performance, which in this case consists of how they have visually and materially present themselves. If you don’t think they did that well, then I don’t see anything wrong with saying so.
Judgment vs Judgment
But is it good for you to mock them? To ridicule them? Perhaps if they came in a paper sack, yes. But otherwise isn’t there a substantial character difference between saying a dress is ill-fitting and the actress made a bad fashion choice vs saying the actress looks like a slut in that dress? One is judging their choices, which you can actually see right in front of you and the other is judging their character, which you cannot see and don’t know. One is a legitimate critique while the other is self-righteous, egotistical puffery.
And The Oscar Goes To…
Who was your best dressed last night?
I liked the metallic look so my choice was a tie between Stacy Keibler
Last we saw the ghirl ghosts some of them were trying on hats but a number of them were still back at the farm learning how to milk cows. This is the story of what happened to them.
The Cow Milk Tasting
The remaining seven stayed at the farm. After they were done milking they all went back to the farm house to have a taste test. Two of them, Sassy and Skerri, liked Selma’s milk best because it was sweet and creamy. Three of them, Betsy, Belinda, and Beatrice liked BeeBee’s because it tasted a bit like chocolate (which is not odd since BeeBee had found the daughter’s stash of hidden chocolate candy bars in the barn and eaten them all just the day before). Two of the ghirl ghosts didn’t like the milk at all. Lacey had been lactose intolerant when she was alive and had a body and it still scared her to drink milk even though she no longer had a stomach. Kacey had been kicked in the head by Bee Bee when she floated too close to Bee Bee’s butt and Selma had snorted in a way that made Kacey think she was laughing at her (and she was) . She was not in the mood to drink milk after that.
It didn’t take long for the farmer and daughter to grow tired of the ghirl ghosts, not in small part due to the big mess of spilt milk on the floor since they don’t have stomachs. It didn’t help that Belinda burped really loud, spitting milk out on Skerri and Sassy laughing so hard milk came out her nose. Soon enough they shooed them out the farmhouse door and sent them on their way. The farmer and his daughter went inside, used up all their clean dish towels cleaning up the mess, then went to the workroom to finish building bird houses.
The Chase
As soon as they left the farmhouse they heard barking and realized 5 large dogs were running after them. In the meanwhile 4 other ghirl ghosts came back from the hat shopping trip and were looking for the farm when they saw the commotion. They all panicked and floated really fast up a big hill. They were hoping there would be a cliff on the other side that would stop the dogs but instead they crested the hill and ran right into an electrified fence. All eleven of them hit the fence much full force and were electrocuted.
Death After Death
One of the nice things about being a bodyless ghirl ghost, besides not having to worry about ingrown toenails or periods, is that you don’t have to worry about dying either. Since they had died once before they couldn’t die again. But the bad part is it still hurts like hell. The dogs meanwhile had stopped short, not wanting to get anywhere near the electrified fence. They did bark and howl in such a way that the ghirl ghosts thought they were being laughed at, and they were. After the ghirl ghosts recovered their senses (not that they had much sense to begin with) they all decided they wanted to go to a safer place. They decided unanimously and off they went.
And you dear reader, where do you think they are headed next?
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Drawing and short, short story by Marty Coleman, who has never milked a cow.
It might be folly, but today is day 4 of The Ideal Series!
The Intolerant Idea l
That is not a hyphenation mistake at the end of the quote. You can’t be idealistic without an idea. When a person is so persuaded that his or her idea is worth hurting others, worth cutting them down, or worth castigating them as less than they are, then the idea, no matter how positive it is in the abstract, becomes dangerous and deadly. If you have any doubts think of the history of ideas and ideals.
The Religious Idea l
Although bathed in the teachings of love over the centuries, religions and their ideas of exclusivity have led to wars, persecutions, terrorism, hatred, condemnation, assassinations, and destruction of whole societies and cities, all because the ideas included having no tolerance for those who believe differently.
The Political Idea l
State Communism and State Socialism, supposedly started with the idea of ‘brotherhood of man’ and equality for all, led instead to the oppression, incarceration and murder of close to 100 million people under Stalin and Mao alone.
The Personal Idea l
Who do you dislike and why? Who do you make fun of? Who do you declare unworthy of consideration and respect? Who do you hate? Maybe someone fat? Maybe a cyclops? How about a prostitute? What about a Muslim? Perhaps a bigamist Mormon? What about a slut? Possibly a thief? What about a rich movie star? Maybe an atheist? How about a Democrat? Or a Republican?
The Power Idea l
Now give yourself unlimited power to do anything you want to those people. What would you do? That is how the damage of the religious and the political examples I mentioned above came about. They didn’t start after the person got in power. The hatred was there first, then the power gave them the capability to do the damage.
The Ideal Idea l
Jesus taught that the sin was not in the murder alone, but that it was the hatred that led to the murder that was also a sin. Now, I am not a big believer in ‘sin’ in the classic definition, but it really doesn’t matter what you call it. It starts in your heart. If you don’t practice tolerance and understanding when you are without power, you will never have it when you do.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who believes that in the end, only kindness matters.
Ideally this would be day 3 of The Ideal Series, and thus it is.
The Ideal Meteor
You know what would be ideal? If a really large meteor, the largest in 100 years, screamed through the atmosphere and blew up and we could see it all happen! Yes it would be…from a distance. It would not be ideal if it hit your town, blew out your office glass and cut you up really bad. It all depends on how close you are, doesn’t it.
The Myopic Ideal
If you live in Oklahoma then chances are you might think your ideal world includes no need for gun regulation beyond maybe some safety classes. Perhaps everyone having a gun is your ideal. But would you feel the same way if you lived in that violence ridden inner city? I bet the solution would be harder than just simplistically saying let everyone have a gun and all will be well.
But what if you live in a bad area of Chicago or LA or some other city with a very high rate of gun violence? You are far, far away from rural Oklahoma with it’s uncrowded rural life. Your ideal is different. Perhaps your ideal is no one having guns. But would you feel the same way if you lived in that quiet rural world? I bet the solution would be harder than just simplistically saying take away all the guns and all will be well.
The 20/20 Ideal
What do you do if you want to find solutions and maintain your idealism at the same time? Well, we know you can’t find a solution without understanding the other side, since even if you do pass a law, it will come back to bite you if it doesn’t take into account as many people as possible. So, we have to compromise.
But what about the idealism, isn’t that dead if you have to compromise? No, it is not. Idealism is not about reaching something (see yesterday’s drawing) it’s about being guided by something. Your idealistic guiding principles can include finding solutions that help everyone, not just you and your tribe. But to do that you have to be willing to get inside that other world, if not in person, at least via reading and understanding, with an open heart and a belief in the good faith of the other side.
You know what that would be? It would be ideal.
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Drawing by Marty Coleman, who thinks it would be ideal if some well connected friend of mine contacted a marketing department in a paper company that makes napkins or an art company that makes markers and told them it would be ideal for them to sponsor me.
Do you realize that today is day 2 of The Ideal Series?
The Creative Real
I believe art is at its best when it refines and distills something real. But what is real to an artist? Is it beauty? Form? Color? Humanity? Nature? Or something else entirely?
The Creative Ideal
I believe art is at its best when it refines and distills something ideal. But what is ideal to any artist? Is it beauty? Form? Color? Humanity? Nature? Or something else entirely?
The Ideal Real
I love art because it’s up to me to define both my ideal and my real. They are symbiotic, living with each other as lovers. They love and fight and make up again and again and again.
Who is your ideal and your real? Are they lovers or fighters or both?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who ideally would have a real house at an ideal beach with his real wife.
